Even Though It Hurts
by Jennifer Vo
Summary: In a world of gowns and tuxedos and wine glasses and masks and lies, it was hard to tell the difference between a friend and a foe. A girl born and raised in the Capitol. A Victor who collects secrets as a hobby. He was taken by her purity. She was taken by his charms. Love. War. Lost. Then came Peace.But even with Peace, it's still not enough... Finnick/Annie. Oneshot.


**Please put on Say Something by One Big World ft. Christina Aguilera while you are reading this :) it's really important that you do.**

**Enjoy!**

In a world of gowns and tuxedos and wine glasses and masks and lies, it was hard to tell the difference between a friend and a foe. But it was just as hard trying to focus on anything but the glamorous background, the beautiful people in their fancy attire, the low lighting that gave away just enough light to see but not enough to feel secure from the lure of it all. Everything was so full of color, full of light... and full of deceit.

Behind all of it, behind the velvet curtain that veiled everyone's mind and soul in that ballroom, behind all of the fake smiles that were plastered on their faces, were secrets that weren't meant to be known. But he knew.

He knew each and every one of them.

But of course as a general rule they didn't exactly tell him their secrets themselves. Oh, no, they were human beings and one of human's natural instinct is self-preservation. But it was also one of human's natural instinct to want company and love and appreciation. And they were starved of what he could give them and he was starved of what they could give him in return. After all, nothing was ever for free in this world.

But as he glanced at her from his place across the room, things didn't seem so dull anymore. She was like a beacon of light that called to him, a column of white light shining through the murky water that was slowly consuming him.

That natural beauty, that sincere smile... He's never seen such genuinity, such truthfulness in a person. But people like her didn't exist in this world, or did they? Either way, she drew him in like a moth to a flame which moved his feet, made the blood in his veins pumped a little faster and his palms a little sweatier.

"Well, hello there. I'm Finnick Odair."

"Yes, I know you, everyone does. You're the Capitol's favorite."

"Why, thank you, I do get quite number of admirers in this town."

"Yes, I know," she turned away, rolling her eyes slightly and shielding the action from him but he saw it anyway.

He smiled.

"And you are? This is the first time I've ever seen you at this party, where've you been hiding all this time?"

"I would tell you," she turned to him, her crystal blue eyes burning into his. "But it's not like you need to know that."

"Oh but on the contrary, I do. And you haven't tell me your name. I told you mine."

"But I never asked for yours," she gave him a look. "Not to mention that I've already know your name."

"How about a trade, my secret for your name?"

"And why would I want your secret?"

"Because isn't that what everyone wants from everyone? Their deepest, darkest secrets?"

The girl's eyes flashed for a second.

"And what secret could you possibly offer me that would spark even the slightest of my interest?"

"The name of the person of whom I admire."

"My, my, what would the people say about Finnick Odair being a one-woman man?"

"Does that serve more of a secret to you than the one I have to offer?"

"Maybe it is, maybe it isn't and maybe, I just don't care. I have no use for secrets, Finnick Odair. Especially yours."

Then she walked away.

* * *

Annie Cresta.

Annie Cresta was her name and he wasn't getting into the fact as to how he knew it but it had been repeating itself on his lips, accompanied by a smile all month long.

He was seeing her again tonight, it was the Capitol's end-of-the-month party. He was sick of them, having gone twelve each year and more than a dozen more in between but he was going to see her, hopefully, and that was enough to make up for all the shortcomings there were. And it wasn't like the parties ever end. They were his life now, the only thing that was keeping him alive.

He was a Victor. He won the games, not mention he was the Capitol's favorite. So now he had to endure his fate.

Dying in the Games wasn't a good option before but now, it seemed like the better option. Much better than this one: living in the the Capitol, forever trapped in this luxurious, hypocritical world with his identity as his cell and President Snow his warden. Gathering secrets for only God knows what and living a lie. What a beautiful lie it was, though. A shining, charming, beautiful lie.

* * *

"You again?"

"Yes, me again."

"Why do you keep bothering me?"

"Because you are a secret that I must know."

"Well, I'm no one's secret and hmm... yeah, that's about it. Will you leave me alone now?"

"What is it about me that makes you dislike me so intensely?"

"Really? You're asking me that question?"

He gave her a look.

"Okay, fine. Your look, your smile, your dimples, your charm, your speech, your reputation, your everything. I dislike you."

"I'm having a hard time believing that," he pursed his lips to prevent himself from smiling.

"Believe it or not the choice is yours but the truth will always be there for whenever you feel like accepting it."

Then, she walked away from him again.

* * *

The 74th Hunger Games has just ended and Katniss Everdeen had became the next Victor. So did Peeta Mellark.

Finnick smiled bitterly at the TV screen. There goes another one, he thought, or two.

24 Tributes from Twelve Districts, two each - a boy and a girl - reaped from the pool of the male and female population are thrown into one arena to fight for their lives. Only one would survive. Only one _could_ survive. But it seemed as if there's been a slight change in the rule since Katniss Everdeen pulled the Nightlock stunt so both of them could end their lives together.

Lovesick schoolgirl. What a joke. Anyone with half a brain would know that it was only an act. That girl with fire in her eyes, motivation in her step and intention in her every movement was anything but a lovesick schoolgirl.

Idiots.

But he might just hope that those idiots would stay that way for if it wasn't for love, it was because they were standing up for themselves and were fighting back. That would lead to results even more horrendous than them being the next Capitol pet.

Maybe it was for the best, after all.

* * *

"So what did you think about the Games this year?"

"It was great."

"Really?"

There was a beat of silence as she glanced up at him curiously from the corner of her eyes. As if deciding whether it was worth it putting her faith in him.

"...No. It was horrible, just like all the others."

"See? I knew there was a reason why I liked you!"

She almost smiled.

"What do you think that's gonna happen to them?"

"Either Snow believes them or he doesn't. Let's pray for them that he does."

"But he won't, will he?"

And for the first time as she turned her head to let her eyes met his, he saw what seemed to be a mix of both desperation and hope. He saw a girl who was not raised in the Capitol and who was definitely not one of those who always wore a mask like a second skin. He saw her. Annie Cresta. And she was caring and sweet.

"No, I don't think he will."

Then she turned away but this time, she didn't turn to get away from him.

* * *

The rebellion was happening. Finnick saw it when he visited District 4.

He saw it in the hardness of his people's eyes, the grinding of their teeth toward the Peacekeepers, the whispering behind closed doors in hushed voices at night. He saw it in the letter that was on his desk the morning before his departure.

Yes, the rebellion was happening, all thanks to the Girl on Fire - Katniss Everdeen. Their spark of hope, the revolution's breath of life and the people's Mockingjay. She, herself meant something. The only problem now was to keep her alive against all odds like she did for Peeta and herself.

There was no way he was going to back down from the offer. He had to help.

* * *

"Finnick? Is it true? That they pay you with secrets for your company?"

He didn't answer her as he watched Katniss danced with the new Head Gamemaker: Plutarch Heavensbee. The replacement for Seneca Crane, who had just decided to stop breathing some time that month.

"Finnick, tell me, I don't judge."

He felt her hand slipped into his and he glanced at her. His gaze fell onto the top of her brown hair and he kept it there.

"Yes, it's true."

She didn't reply but he felt her hand tightened around his and he smiled sourly. Annie understood. Though born and raised in the Capitol, she's got a mind of her own. She was strong and she understood him more and more as time passed by and vice versa. She was one in a million.

"I'll make him pay for it," she whispered with determination.

"I hope you won't."

"Why not?"

"Because I don't want you anywhere near him. You're safe here in the Capitol but keep away from Snow. Be smart."

"Survival isn't everything, Finnick. There's more to life rather than just staying alive. Would you want to go on living like this or would you want to die for a cause than would help other people?"

He stayed silent.

"Exactly. I'm going to make him pay for it, Finnick, somehow, I will."

"But you wouldn't be helping me by doing that. 'Cause if you die, there'll be nothing left for me to hold on. Don't be ridiculous, Annie, be smart."

"But -"

"Right now, I'm right here beside you, enjoy it."

Then he wrapped his arms around her and she sighed, giving up the argument but not her newfound purpose.

* * *

"On the 75th anniversary, as a reminder to the rebels that even the strongest among them cannot overcome the power of the Capitol, the male and female tributes will be reaped from their existing pool of victors."

* * *

"Finnick Odair," said the escort of District 4.

* * *

He didn't even get to say goodbye to Annie.

And he was going to get her killed siding with the rebellions. No. They wouldn't kill her just yet. He just signed her up for a lifetime of torture. What a good lover he was. But he had to be smart. He had to think bigger, he had to think about the greater good. What Annie's sacrifice would mean for the people in the future. What his life would mean for the next generation. To a new, better start.

He had to do this.

* * *

His first impression of Katniss Everdeen was that the girl had trust issues. She still didn't trust him after he'd saved her supposedly fiance's life, not that she really was even into the guy, nice as he was.

But then Finnick observed her when Peeta's heart stopped after he hit the force field. So much pain, so much loss and so much hurt. That was when he knew that Katniss Everdeen did love Peeta Mellark. She was just too ignorant and too strong to realize it.

* * *

The acid fog crept up on them and took Mags - the Victor from his district who didn't have enough strength to run - away when Peeta had been too affected by the fog to get up on his feet and Katniss couldn't carry him.

The plan was to keep Katniss alive at all cost and Peeta, too, if possible because he was the only guarantee that the girl would cooperate and in that situation, Finnick saw only one solution. But before he could make up his mind, Mags had already climbed off his back, kissed his cheek as a farewell and walked calmly into the fog. There was no scream, no sound, save from the canon that went off seconds later.

That was Finnick's first lost.

His second lost was to his own fearful mind.

They were on the beach when they all heard a scream coming from the forest. The voice was unknown to Finnick but it wasn't unknown to Katniss as she bolted into the woods without a second thought. Another one of the Capitol's trap, he was sure of it so he ran after her.

When he had finally reached her, she had tears in her eyes and a dead jabberjay lying on the ground.

"It wasn't real Katniss, it was only - "

"Finnick!" Annie's voice rang out loud and clear through his mind and that was when it dawned to him: jabberjays don't make up sound, they only repeat it.

He ran like a mad man toward the scream and this time, it was Katniss who came running after him, shouting out to him that it wasn't real.

"Annie! Annie!" His throat burned and his heart ached with a kind of fierceness that even the Girl on Fire would appreciate.

But there was no Annie to be rescued. Just a bunch of jabberjays mimicking their beloved screaming voices flying in their direction.

They ran.

Finnick and Katniss had their palms over their ears and tears rolling down their cheeks. They got to the beach but was slammed back by a force field that wouldn't let them pass. He could see everyone else pounding onto the invisible barrier but he couldn't hear their shouting. They all tried get to one another but the force field wouldn't give in. Katniss and Finnick struggled until the screaming in their ears became unbearable and he and Katniss crumbled to the ground, clutching their heads.

Annie's scream... she kept screaming and screaming and screaming... screaming for his help but he couldn't reach her for he was stuck in the Games and couldn't get out. Annie was screaming because he was being ridiculous when he approached her. Drawn by her pure, natural self. He was stupid. He should have known better, he should have known that loving a person in this world doesn't do you any good. The only thing it does it give you a weakness and causes you pain.

But he did know that, he knew it because Johanna was an example. She's lost everyone she loved to the Capitol, too. And now she has nothing. He knew it yet he did it anyway. Because he was selfish. Because he was being stupid.

I'm so sorry, Annie. I'm so so sorry... he kept mumbling that sentence for what felt like an eternity. Until it stopped. Everything went silent.

"Finnick... Finnick... it's over, the hour's up. Finnick..."

That voice... That smooth, soothing voice... Peeta's voice.

They left him by himself in the sea and all he could do was staring off into the vast horizon, not taking in anything.

He promised himself that he wouldn't think about the possibilities for Annie. He promised himself that he wouldn't think of what it would mean if Annie were captured by the Capitol because of him. He promised himself and he had given into his own mind. The possibilities were... endless. The length these people, President Snow would go to and the things they would do were unimaginable. He had doomed her life.

* * *

When Katniss had blew up the arena by shooting an electrified arrow through a chink in the force field, everything exploded.

District 13 - the district that was thought to be destroyed in the first rebellion - sent an aircraft that looked exactly like the Capitol's to rescue Katniss and the Victors that were in on it.

Unluckily for Katniss, Peeta had been captured by the Capitol.

The girl raged on like there was no tomorrow so they had to subdue her.

They all understood Katniss's feelings about Peeta. Finnick understood her better than anyone else.

Now that the revolution is now undergo, Snow would have had captured Annie by now. Hell, he might have had captured her since Finnick was in the Games.

_"Believe it or not the choice is yours but the truth will always be there for whenever you feel like accepting it."_

He wished he could appreciate her words in a much better situation.

He used to say that the Capitol was here safest place to be. Now he realized that that was only the lie he kept telling himself to not feel guilty for her fate. Truth is, she was never going to be safe as long as she knew him. If she dies, it would be because of him.

He was never going to get that off his conscience.

* * *

After months and months of the Mockingjay sulking and practically being nothing but a zombie in the rebellion, losing her spark of flame as the weight of emptiness, of losing Peeta weighed heavier and heavier on her shoulders, Katniss Everdeen had finally sucked it up and demanded a rescue mission, which Finnick was in agreement all the way.

Finnick waited for the day of the rescue to come as if he was waiting for the day he would get the ultimate prize of a life in peace with Annie. Until then, he still had to endure seeing her and Peeta's faces on Caesar's talk show, answering questions that were already answered for them by the Capitol for them. Being turned into puppets by President Snow, living only because he allowed them to.

Annie was pregnant with his child. He knew she was telling the truth the way she kept rubbing her stomach absentmindedly every time she stared off into space. He was a dad.

Still, Peeta and Annie has changed: their faces gaunt, their bodies skinny. No doubt they were kept in a cell after all the lights were off and the make up washed off and the flashy clothes put away. Peeta's eyes no longer had the kindness they used to have. Annie's hair lost the glossy chocolate color they used to have and her crystal blue eyes were dazed, hazy and she kept staring off into space like she had something on her mind that she couldn't quite put her finger on. They looked broken but was patched up only for the camera.

But he had hope.

As the Mockingjay came back to life and took charge, began to make demands, the hope of getting Annie back by his side grew stronger and stronger by the second. He could feel himself eating more - not that there was much to eat in district 13 - and gathering strength so he can join the rescue team. Hope was a contagious thing and also a dangerous one since not everything ends up the way you hope it would.

* * *

They broke through the force field, battled their way through the first defence line of the prison and held the Peacekeepers off as Beetee cracked the electronic security system. Everything was going fine until Katniss and Finnick got a look at their beloved. They both froze. Everything they had saw on the talk show was nothing compared to what they were seeing then.

No more glamorous clothes, no more make up, no more products to hide the crimes of the Capitol. Just Annie and Peeta: white sheets of cloth over skin and skin over bones.

The images implanted itself in Katniss's and Finnick's mind so hard it felt like a knife plunging itself over and over and over again in their hearts.

Annie stared back at Finnick.

At first, there was no recognition. Then knowledge slowly crept up on her face.

"Finnick... Finnick!"

Just then, the doors unlocked as Beetee gathered his tools and began to stand up.

Finnick rushed toward Annie with his trident still in hand and crushed her against him as she sobbed into his shoulder. He stroke her dry hair and inhaled the nasty chemical smell on her skin. She was safe in his arms and that was that.

"You came... you finally came..." she mumbled into his shirt.

"Yeah, I came. I'm so sorry, Annie..."

Nobody liked a man with tears in his eyes so Finnick kept his as dry as he could. He wasn't doing a very good job of it.

"Finnick... I'm... I'm..." the girl's fragile voice shook, hearing it felt like she was going to break down any minute like glass against concrete.

"Shh..." he stroke her hair gently. "I know."

"Come on, people, let's move! We haven't got all day."

Johanna's voice was like a waking call and they broke away from each other, Annie wiping her tears and shaking slightly.

"Johanna! Take Annie!" Finnick shouted through the sound of fighting as he gently pushed Annie in Johanna's direction.

Annie squirmed and turned back to Finnick, bunching his shirt in her hands.

"Who... who is she? Don't leave me Finnick..." Annie asked, eying the girl's axe and carelessly cut short hair.

"I'm not leaving you but I need to help the others, please go with Johanna, she's harmless," he said in a soft voice and Johanna huffed, earning her a glare.

"Promise you won't leave me?"

"Promise."

He placed a kiss gently on her lips and she sighed just as the sound of a body slamming into the wall rang out.

Annie flinched and started to shake with fear so Johanna took her and along with Beetee out the exit they had made earlier for escaping.

Finnick didn't have time to react when a Peacekeeper aimed a gun at him and shot. The bullet hit his leg and he went down like a sack of potatoes.

Annie screamed at the sight in front of her, her instincts kicked in and she thrashed in Johanna's arms, trying her best to get out of them and she did once she nailed the girl in the stomach.

"For a captive, you sure are strong," she groaned, clutching her stomach then raced after Annie.

"Let me go!"

"I would love to but I have my instructions."

"Let me go! I don't need your help! He needs mine and the others need yours so let me go!"

"Fine! Gah! I don't know why I even agreed to be the one to lead you out, Katniss can do it! I'm going after Beetee." Johanna stormed out.

Finnick was pulling himself up when Annie got to him. She didn't even glanced at the battlefield as she kneeled in front of him but he did. Gale was fending off the Finnick's shooter and was doing one hell of a job; Haymitch was kicking ass and Katniss was fighting combat with a Peacekeeper, her bow strewn across the floor, not far from where Finnick and Annie were at but they would have to run to be able to get it in time, and Katniss wasn't in good shape. To make matters worst, the only thing that was keeping the Peacekeepers from reaching Peeta, who was lying motionlessly on the floor, was her. Yeah, she definitely wasn't in great shape.

And one of the Peacekeeper that was knocked out cold was rising again. Talk about the walking dead.

"Annie, Annie, listen to me," Finnick grabbed her frantic face dripping with sweat between his hands and said,"You need to get Katniss's bow to her."

"No, no. I won't leave you!" She shook her head.

"Come on Annie, don't be ridiculous, be smart. Katniss is the Mockingjay, she's the breath of this revolution, if she dies, everything dies. There will be no better tomorrow, there will be no safe place for our baby to grow up in, there will be nothing left. Annie, listen to me, ran over to the bow and get it, okay sweetheart?"

"And you'll be okay?"

"I'll be okay, hurry!"

Finnick dared a glance over Annie's shoulder and saw that the Peacekeeper was up on his feet and by the sound of pounding on the floor, more were coming.

Annie ran over to the bow as the Peacekeeper fixed his gaze on Finnick and pulled out his gun.

Guns, Finnick Odair was going to forever hate guns.

He grabbed his trident and threw it with all his might as the bullet shot out of the gun. Both hit its target at the same time. The trident impaled the Peacekeeper's body, pinning it to the wall like a bloody horror exhibit and the bullet hit Finnick squarely in the chest.

Annie threw Katniss the bow who caught it then retrieved an arrow from her pack and in a fluid move, shot at each and everyone the Peacekeepers that were left.

"Finnick!" Annie turned to him to see his shirt soaked blood red and his eyes wild and his breathing was more of a wheeze.

"Come on!" Katniss yelled out for her but she kept running toward Finnick. "Come on, Annie!" Katniss held the girl off, her forceful arms enveloping Annie and dragged her away and this time, she didn't fight.

_"Don't be ridiculous, Annie, be smart."_

Be smart...

Her eyes snapped to the charging Peacekeepers with their guns up ready to fire and just as they were about to, Annie turned around in Katniss's arms, grabbed her hand and run as fast as she could through the way Gale and Peeta had gone through.

_I'm not being ridiculous, Finnick. I'm being smart here, just like you said, even though it hurts._

* * *

Thanks to Finnick's notebook full of secrets of everyone in the Capitol, the people there turned on each other and played a huge factor in winning the war.

And Snow was dead. Annie watched the execution with a savage feeling boiling inside of her and at the sight of his limp body, the only thing she wanted to do was raise him from the dead and kill him over again. Over and over again...

The world was now a better place. A happier place where Finnick's and Peeta's children could be safe, where there is no more Hunger Games and no more President Snow. No more masks and no more lies and no more secrets. A better place.

And as to Finnick Odair's loses, they were, until then, too many to count but she kept counting so that she could one day show to her son, when he was old enough to understand, how brave and filled with greatness his daddy was. The boy with Finnick's sea green eyes and bronze hair. With his smile and his dimples and possibly one day, his charm.

"Your dad gave up his life to make the world a better place, Finn, and you look just like him! Your dad was a great man, Finn, he taught me to be smart even though it hurts... don't ever be ridiculous, Finn... be smart..."

Everything was finally bright and sunshine was streaming through the windows and the cool wind was blowing but Annie was never the same. She kept staring off into space with a wistful smile on her lips, sometimes mumbling "be smart, be smart" and at night she would suddenly wake up and curled into herself with her hands over her ears to block out the shooting sounds that weren't really there.

Later on, when Finn grew up and discovered why his mother was the way she was and about his father, he would finally understand why his mother was always so sad and was always staring at him with a kind of nothingness in her eyes. He would finally understand, as would many children growing up would, what has happened during the revolution for freedom. What were lost and who were killed. They would finally learn that war was a nasty thing but standing up for yourself and your freedom and for a better tomorrow, those would be the right things to do and his father had fought bravely for his future today and for that, he would be forever grateful even though he never knew the famous and brave Finnick Odair.

**Please review because I do appreciate your thoughts and... don't hate me :( I just loved their tragic so much and wanted them to have a POV of their own but I couldn't base it on the original plot because there are just too much information and I don't have the talent to know what to put in and what to not.**

**So... I hope you've enjoyed it and... thank you Hellzz-on-Earth for reading my stories and constantly reviewing them :) I am truly glad that I made you happy :)**

**Jen out!**


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